I often wonder why I was born into the situation I was, the body I’m in. with the mind I have. why I accept the things I do, why I make the choices that I do. and why I love the people that i love. I just don’t know, I just don’t see my purpose here. I have nothing left to give, no pain left to feel. in only 17 years I’m drained, emotionally and mentally. physically I pay the consequences. I thought I’d found my purpose but then overtime it became clear that it was just young love that would soon lose its meaning and sincerity. with no one to trust and no one to hold me together, no one to push me to make the right decisions. I am lost. this is the time where I feel alone. the one person who I thought would never make me feel alone is the one who has completely pushed me off the edge. I can’t even react to what you’ve done, I felt the pain for a second. and when I’m sitting in the car I feel the stabbing. I can’t let you go because I’m addicted to your presence and I cant let anyone else have you. I just don’t understand why, I feel so low. my self esteem is shattered. my dependence on people is at an all time low. I just don’t understand.. why? you can’t even use the past as an excuse because we were doing so well. why now? why are you walking all over me? why am I not good enough, what did I do wrong? what’s wrong with me.
I’ve been in this place before, it’s a state of numbness and confusion. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I feel as if I’m so easily taken advantage of and walked all over. as if I don’t even matter, an inanimate object sitting in a room. I don’t know how Ifeel, not that I matters because it’s my fault. like everything. but in all honestly it’s not. but I’ll bite my tongue..this is only the beginning
